We Finally Made It!

8April08

Received a call from Dr Khi during lunch. “I’ve got good news for you. Your blood test shows that you are 5 weeks’ pregnant”. For some reason I was exceptionally calm. I think I was expecting some bad news to follow the good news. I’ve always been an optimist but this time I seem to be more skeptical than usual, probably to keep myself from disappointment.

She told me that my hormonal level was too low, and that explained the faint line on the urine test kit, and seeing nothing on the scans. The normal level was 1,500 but mine was only at 1,000. There could be two reasons: (1) the pregnancy is still in its early stage and the hormonal level should go up in a couple of days to the normal range, or (2) the pregnancy is not growing. The latter is definitely something we do not hope to see.

I was scheduled to go back on Thursday for another blood test, and hopefully by that time the hormonal level is up to normal. Dr Khi didn’t further explain all my “what ifs”; she took the “let’s do the test and see what happens” kind of approach. In a way it was good; it should prevent any thoughts from running wild. But in a way it was bad, because I’m an analyst and I crave for information and making plans way in advance. Suspension and not being in control takes life out of me.

Thank You God for helping me learn how to trust You. In all things, God is in control, so why do I worry? He is our heavenly Father and He knows all things. Children are gifts from our loving God and He holds the perfect timing. I will not be afraid, not be worried, but cast all my cares on Him. I just keep trusting my Lord!

I am resolved to take good care of my body, and cheerfully await the coming of Thursday.